


bitter contradictions

by valkyriepilot



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 21:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21416842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriepilot/pseuds/valkyriepilot
Summary: Felix can’t even stop himself from being rude at this point, it’s just second nature to see Dimitri’s face and to respond with some sharp word. Even if he what he really wants is to be kind.Watching Dimitri get hurt for him may give him the courage to start to change.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 12
Kudos: 151





	bitter contradictions

**Author's Note:**

> Dimitri and Felix's slow burn return to friendship is such a wonderful thing but I can't help but wonder what would have happened if Felix had been kinder to him pre-timeskip. That timeskip probably would hurt even worse, huh?
> 
> I didn't tag graphic description of violence because I didn't think it was too graphic, but if you think otherwise please let me know so I can correct it, along with any other tag you think would be necessary.
> 
> This is my first Dimilix fic so please forgive me as I'm still trying to figure out how to write their voices!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the fic!

What should have been a standard mission to clear out some bandits is turning out to be much worse. Currently cornered at the edge of a cliff and soaked through by the freezing late season rain, Felix brandishes his blade at the reinforcements that had seemingly come out of nowhere.

The professor had sent him this way to prevent any stragglers from escaping, confident in his swordsmanship enough to allow him to see to it solo. There was no way from them to predict that the enemy forces would be twice the number they had expected. At this point Felix had taken down more than his fair share of the bandits, and with an empty vulnerary bottle smashed in the mud beside him he’s running out of options.

A bandit lunges forward with a lance, and despite his best effort to dodge he feels pain bloom where the weapon grazes his side. Felix curses and clutches a hand to his side, still keeping his blade aloft as the other bandits move in. He can only barely sidestep the next attack, heart lurching as he feels his foot nearly slide off the edge behind him. For the first time since childhood, his confidence wavers.

This may be his last battle.

“Felix!”

A voice he’s all too familiar with has Felix’s head snapping up in surprise. Charging out from the nearby forest, pushing his horse to full speed, Dimitri hefts a javelin and sends it straight through the heart of the bandit closest to Felix. The rest of the group stumble back as Dimitri rides to Felix’s side, using his horse as a blockade as Felix pulls himself away from the cliff edge.

“Are you alright?” Dimitri asks quickly, pulling a near empty vulnerary from his saddlebag and passing it to him before turning his lance back toward the enemy. “This is all I have, so we’ll have to make do.”

Felix scowls. Dimitri is in just as bad shape as he is, a dark bruise marring half his face and a mixture of blood and mud staining his uniform. But of course his highness decides to play hero, the absolute last person he wants to see.

...at least that’s what he tells himself. He can only curse his heart for the relief that’s flooding through him.

He downs the last of the vulnerary and tosses the empty bottle away, feeling the wound on his side start to close as he wipes some of the rain away from his face with the back of his hand. “What are you doing here, boar?”

Dimitri deftly pierces an enemy that dares get too close, gritting his teeth. “Is it too much too imagine that I was worried, Felix? One of my friends disappeared from the battlefield so I came to help.”

“_Friends? _Don’t try to pretend that’s what we are,” Felix growls, grip tightening around his sword as he parries an oncoming blow.

Disgust overwhelms his senses at that word; he’s already sworn himself off allowing the boar to be anywhere near that trusted again. He’s already allowed him too close again, too many sparring sessions and allowing the professor to pair them off on missions. He needs to set the boar straight.

...Even if there’s a voice in the back of his head telling him to stop being so cruel to him. That only makes him feel more disgusted.

He can hear Dimitri sigh. “Alright, Felix.”

Felix pushes the conversation out of his mind, focusing on the battle at hand. Even with Dimitri at his side, finishing off the group of bandits takes a long while. And when they finally reach the end, Felix forcing his blade through the chest of an axe-wielding fiend, he hears Dimitri slide off his saddle.

“Are you injured?” Dimitri asks, but Felix refuses to acknowledge him. He can feel himself shivering, truly soaked to the bone now, and there’s an ache in his his chest that could be a bruised rib but he’s absolutely not going to let the boar know that much. The professor can lecture him about it later. “You’re shaking.”

“I’m fine,” he insists. Dimitri is much too close to him, he shouldn’t be allowing this.

Dimitri’s gloved hand touches his shoulder and he jerks away on instinct. “Felix, please. Why won’t you let me help you?”

“You know why!” Felix spits back, turning to face him at last. “Haven’t you done enough? I don’t need your help-”

Felix can see the exact moment that Dimitri’s eyes catch on something behind him, but he doesn’t have enough time to react before he’s being tugged aside by Dimitri’s full strength.

The sound of an arrow hitting it’s mark rings in his ears.

Dimitri lets out a low groan, falling to his knees. There’s an arrow protruding from his chest, near dead center. A dark stain grows across Dimitri’s uniform, dripping out to the mud below.

But Felix stares only for a moment, fury and terror dueling in his mind before the anger wins out.

Snagging Dimitri’s javelin from the body it had been left in, Felix whirls around to see the bandit archer making a hasty retreat. He only needs the single shot to bury the javelin in the bandit’s back, an anguished cry signaling his death.

But the soft noise at his side draws his attention downward, watching as blue eyes fall shut. Ice fills Felix’s chest as Dimitri collapses fully.

Felix pays the worthless enemy no more attention, instead falling to Dimitri’s side.

“Boar, get up,” he orders, to no response. His brow furrows and he shakes Dimitri’s shoulder none too gently. “Wake up, damn it!”

Still Dimitri doesn’t move, and the stain across his chest is only getting darker, the rain spreading the red color further. Felix can’t tell if the trembling in his hands is from the cold or not. He looks up, frantic. The rest of the class is only on the other side of the thicket of trees.

“Mercedes!” he yells, but he knows better than to hope that his voice will carry far enough. “Professor!”

Dimitri is growing pale, and Felix hefts him up into his arms instinctively brushing the rain soaked golden hair away from his closed eyes. His hand hovers near the arrow protruding from his chest, but he hesitates. The professor had tried to teach him white magic once, earlier on in the year, but had quickly abandoned that plan when it became clear that his talents were better suited elsewhere. Felix almost wishes he hadn’t been so quick to give up on practicing what little he had learned.

Still, this was his best chance.

“...sorry,” he mumbles, wishing Dimitri was conscious enough to hear it. One firm pull is all it takes to remove the arrow shaft, thankfully still in one piece. Dimitri jerks in his grasp, and Felix is forced to tighten his grip to keep him still. He places his free hand carefully above the wound, now bleeding freely, and tries to concentrate.

A basic heal spell is all he knows, and even then his actual track record with successfully performing it was low. But he needs to do this correctly right now. The boar- _Dimitri_\- is not going to die for him. He won’t let him.

A faint tingling in his cold fingers signals the start of the magic flowing between them, and Felix prays that what little magical power he has will be enough. It’s exhausting, Felix can’t imagine how any healer can do this so freely, but slowly he sees the wound begin to mend.

He pushes himself, no matter the strain it puts him under, and he doesn’t stop until the bleeding has ceased. But still Dimitri doesn’t move.

“Please,” Felix chokes out, panting from overexertion both from the battle and healing. He holds one of Dimitri’s limp hands, fingers straying to his wrist.

There’s a pulse. Faint, but still there.

“Professor, over here!”

Felix doesn’t look up. Doesn’t look away from Dimitri’s still face. But he finally lets himself breathe when his classmates come rushing through the woods towards them.

When Mercedes comes forward, her stronger healing spells cover them both, soothing the aches that still rock his body. It’s only once her hand covers his that he realizes he’s still holding Dimitri’s hand. He looks up to see her smiling softly.

“He’s going to be alright, Felix.”

* * *

Felix stands outside the door of the infirmary a little over a day later.

Shifting on his feet awkwardly, he debates one last time whether or not he should just leave and go take out his thoughts on a training dummy.

No, he won’t let himself be a coward.

He could barely sleep the previous night and as much as he had wanted to ignore it, it was because he was still worried about Dimitri. The part of him that always told him to push Dimitri away, to be angry at him, was overcome by the thought that he could have truly lost him.

Dimitri could have been gone forever, just like Glenn.

It was with that thought that he realized just how much Dimitri still means to him. Despite how hard he’s tried to push him away, that love he’s always had for Dimitri is still an integral part of his heart.

He’s still angry at him, he has the right to be disgusted and angry at what he’s witnessed Dimitri do. But he can’t keep forcing himself to be cruel. It only hurts them both even more.

The infirmary door opens in front of him and Felix startles back, only to be met by an equally startled Manuela.

“Haven’t you learned to knock?” Manuela asks, clutching a hand to her heart dramatically. “Don’t just stand outside someone’s door!”

“I know,” Felix says, shaking his head dismissively, “Is he in there?”

“You mean Prince Dimitri?” Manuela frowns, clearly bothered at Felix’s lack of tact. “He is, but I’ll have you know that any sort of stress is only going to make his recovery take longer.”

“I just want to talk,” Felix says, averting his gaze. Of course everyone knows how badly treats Dimitri. It’s no secret. But still, it does bother him to realize just how bad his treatment had gotten that allowing him into the infirmary was a gamble.

Raising an eyebrow, Manuela regards him with an inquisitive look. “Alright. But any sort of rough housing and you’ll be out of here until his highness has recovered fully. Understand?”

Felix offers a nod and she steps aside, mercifully heading across the hall to Hanneman’s office to give them some space. He allows himself one more moment to take a breath, and steps into the room.

Dimitri is propped up in the infirmary bed with a multitude of pillows, a book held up with one hand as the other holds the corner of a page lightly. The blanket has fallen down to his lap revealing the undone button up shirt he’s wearing, bandages wrapped around his torso. His pale blue eyes dart up from the page when he notices movement of the doorway, and Felix doesn’t miss the way his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“Felix?” Dimitri says, his voice doing nothing to show the extent of the injury he had received. Felix fights the urge to leave once more and moves closer, taking the seat next to Dimitri’s bed.

“Are you alright?” Felix asks quietly, not meeting Dimitri’s eyes. The awkward atmosphere is almost unbearable.

“Ah, yes. I’m already feeling much better, thank you,” Dimitri says. He pauses for a moment. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to see you.”

“That’s... understandable.” Felix clenches his hands in his lap, glancing up to see Dimitri’s mildly confused look. Why must he be so damned terrible at conversation?

There’s another moment of silence, and only when Dimitri seemingly realizes that Felix isn’t about to leave does he speak once more. “The professor told me that you saved me yesterday. Thank you, Felix. I know that you and I have not had the best relationship as of late, but even so you saved my life. You have no idea how grateful I am.”

Felix grits his teeth. “You shouldn’t be grateful. I didn’t want you to die for me, boar.”

Dimitri’s expression falters, and Felix curses himself internally. He can’t even stop himself from being rude at this point, it’s just second nature to see Dimitri’s face and to respond with some sharp word.

“I… am sorry, Felix. It wasn’t my intention to bother you,” Dimitri says diplomatically, but the way his gaze falls away betrays a mild hurt.

“No, that’s not...” Felix covers his face with a hand and takes another breath. When he finally lets his hand drop, he forces himself to look Dimitri directly in the eye. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, alright?”

Once again surprise fills Dimitri’s face, but this time mixing with something softer, an expression Felix can’t place. Dimitri opens his mouth to speak but seems to be unable to find words, offering a nod instead.

“I know I haven’t… been the kindest to you recently,” Felix starts. Half of him wants to lash out once more, but the other half that he’s neglected for much too long urges him to continue. “So… I’m the one that should apologize. I hope that you don’t think too poorly of me now.”

“Of course not.” Dimitri responds almost immediately, brow furrowing. He reaches out a hand towards Felix’s shoulder but falters, letting it drop back down to the bed. “I have never thought anything but the best of you, Felix. Believe me.”

Felix feels the corner of his mouth twitch upward. “You’re far too forgiving, boar.” He pauses, biting his lip before correcting himself, placing his hand over where Dimitri’s rests on the bed. “Dimitri.”

“Felix….” He has to look away when Dimitri’s look softens further, a smile spreading across his face. It’s almost sappy, and more than a little bit sad that he’s responding so openly to general courtesy.

“But honestly, how are you feeling?” Felix says, changing the subject for the sake of his own heart.

“Slightly sore, but with a little more rest I should recover sooner rather than later,” Dimitri answers honestly. He then adds with a smile, “I’ll try to be ready for another sparring session with you as soon as I can.”

“Have a little more self preservation,” Felix scolds him halfheartedly, fighting the smile threatening to form on his own face. “The professor wants you to be fully healed for the ball in a few weeks.”

“Right. The ball.” Dimitri grimaces at the thought and Felix has to stifle a laugh. Bells chime outside the window, and Felix realizes the time.

“I should go. I told the professor I’d be ready to train.” Felix stands from his seat, but Dimitri grabs his hand before he can pull it away fully. Felix raises an eyebrow at him.

“Felix, regarding the ball, I...” Dimitri stumbles over his words almost comically, but Felix refrains from commenting on it. “Would you maybe save time for a dance with me, if you don’t mind?”

Heat spreads across his cheeks and he quickly turns away so Dimitri can’t see. “We shall see. Focus on recovering first.”

Dimitri gives his hand a quick squeeze and lets go. Felix is almost at the door when Dimitri speaks up one last time. “Thank you again, Felix. I mean it.”

Felix doesn’t look back, but still he smiles. “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this fic. If you did, if you left a comment I'd really appreciate it! Hearing from everyone gives me so much motivation to keep writing!


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